


would you be so kind (as to fall in love with me)

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21581659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan Howell is born without a soulmark.But as he grows older, the urge to find a soulmate becomes a nagging thought at the back of his head. He didn't need one, after all - the idea of soulmates was bullshit. But one day, he meets Phil Lester, who just might change his idea of whether soulmates truly exist.But Phil has his own soulmark, and Dan doesn't.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. Sick Of Losing Soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys!! this is my new work and im rly excited to share it w yall :D  
> each chapter name will be based on song titles/lyrics!  
> im not quite sure how the education system in england works so i kinda guessed oops hahahah,,, sorry for inaccuracies  
> i will do weekly updates, maybe every friday (ik its currently wednesday but ill post the next chapter next friday or sooner)  
> more characters and tags will be added as we go on - if there are any triggering topics in the chapter ill mention them in the summary  
> dan and phil are big chaotic energy and dans a little sad but phil will help him, along with other friends!  
> there will be fluff, angst, and more,, brace yourselves 
> 
> hope you enjoy this!!

Dan had never seen his mother cry until today.

They’re sat in the doctor’s office. It was the day after Dan’s 10th birthday, the day his soulmark was meant to appear on his wrist. 

It never did.

They had sat there in the living room, his relatives staring at his wrist for god- what was it, two hours? They watched him, waiting for the soulmark to appear, and Dan felt so exposed he burst into tears and locked himself in his room until his relatives left and his parents coaxed him out.

The next day, Dan’s mother said softly, “Dan, honey, we’re going to the doctor’s,” and now he’s sitting in the tiny office as the doctor (what’s her name, Williams or something stupid and generic like that) looks through her papers. 

She finally looks up, pushing her glasses up her nose. “Well, Mrs. Howell, it seems your son… does not have a soulmark.”

Thanks for stating the obvious. 

That’s when Dan notices the doctor’s soulmark - a book. It’s grey - she hasn’t met her soulmate yet, so who is she to judge? She doesn’t have a soulmate and he never will. They’re basically the same thing.

She’s rambling on and on about 0.008% of the world’s population that wasn’t born with a soulmark - and he still finds it completely unfair as she pulls out charts and stock photo images people without soulmarks that are  _ still  _ happy, and “you can still find love, Daniel,” and the other bullshit she’s pulling from textbooks and obscure internet pages. 

He tunes her out after forty minutes of this crap, and he turns and  _ shit _ , his mother is sobbing, wiping her tears away with her handkerchief. 

“Mom?” he asks, slightly bewildered as he had never, not in his ten years of living (which, in his opinion, was a long time), seen his mother cry. 

The doctor offers her a few tissues, explains a bit more, then tells them that there was no way for him to get one - it’s impossible, there has never been anyone in the history of the universe that presented without a soulmark and got one later on, so he’s gonna die alone, fine, perfect (he ignores the part where she says he can still find someone - bulllshit). She lets them leave on that cheerful note.

  
  


Later, at home, his mother hugs him in the hallway of their house. “I’m so sorry, Daniel,” she cries, and Dan stands there and hugs her back, trying to hold back his own tears. It’s fine, it’s going to be  _ fine _ .

  
  


It is not going to be fine.

The next day at school, his classmate walks over to him and asks, “Dan, where’s your soulmark? Wasn’t your birthday yesterday?” and he almost cries when he sees hers. 

He avoids her question, mumbling an excuse about not feeling well, and goes to the nurse’s office. He calls his mother and the next thing he knows he’s in the backseat of their car, avoiding his mother’s pitying gaze as she drives him back home.

  
  


The next few days are  _ hell _ . He still has to go to school, his mother explains, he can’t just  _ not  _ go, there was no reason to skip. So he drags himself out of bed every morning, dreading the day ahead of him. 

During science, their teacher, Mr. Gilmore, is explaining how soulmarks worked - something about how once the child was born, their hearts would be drawn to someone that would be perfectly compatible with you. When you turned 10, the soulmark, the tattoo, would slow appear on your skin like ink seeping onto paper. The tattoo could be anything - a flower, a book, an item that you hold dear to your heart, and your soulmate did too. 

Dan rolls his eyes, looking out the window as the rest of the class start comparing their soulmarks with one another. He ignores his deskmate, who asks him what his looks like. He goes home, locks himself in his room, and cries. 

“Why don’t I have a soulmark?” he sobs later on, his mother cradling him in her arms. She kisses his forehead and runs her fingers through his curls in a fruitless attempt to soothe him. “I don’t know, sweetheart. You’re just too good for the world.”

As he grows older, the ache in his heart for a soulmate fades, until it’s just a nagging thought in his head that occasionally slips his mind. He’s fine - he has friends, and who really needs a soulmate when you had best friends like his? 

He’s 15, starting a new year in secondary school. He daydreams through their form teacher’s boring talk about how excited they were for new students to join them. The teacher arranges their seats, and Dan doesn’t really pay attention until he realises he’s sitting next to the most beautiful boy in the world.

Now, Dan isn't  _ quite  _ sure what his sexuality is, and in this homophobic world, there's no way he can come out yet. He likes girls, he likes guys, and that's it. He dislikes the labels. 

So when he sees this breathtaking boy sat next to him, he almost chokes. 

A mop of messy black hair sits atop his head, ginger roots peeking out. His deskmate’s blue eyes sparkle with amusement - they're _ gorgeous _ , in fact, there are bits of golden and green in it, they were beautiful, and he's saying something that doesn't quite compute.

"Sorry- I, um, I didn't catch that, what did you say?"

The beautiful boy giggles, tongue poking out between his teeth (Jesus Christ, Dan was going to die). "Not paying attention, are you?" he teases. 

Dan flushes red. "Sorry."

"I said, my name is Phil. Nice to meet you."

"Phil." Dan repeats, then realises Phil's expecting an answer. "Oh, um… so, hi. My name is Dan."

"Nice to meet you, Dan." Phil says, clearly amused. 

And that was his first day of high school.


	2. Even When the Dark Comes Crashing Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan finds Phil kind of fucking annoying but also fucking cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry i havent updated in so long i was overseas!!  
> sorry its so short, the next one is longer!  
> this episode is purely fluff which, sadly, is not my strong point lmfao  
> the chapter title is from the song you will be found from the musical dear evan hansen which i highly rec go listen to it!  
> then come back i get jealous  
> ne ways hope u enjoy!

Dan is fucking awkward. He knows that much.

Over the next few days, he avoids any conversation with Phil because one, Phil is  _ really _ fucking pretty and Dan doesn’t think he can handle that, and two, Dan tries to avoid social interaction in general because he isn't good at small talk.

Phil Lester, he learns, is inherently stubborn, or just oblivious, because everyday he continues to entertain Dan with his weird stories, which leads to Dan just rolling his eyes and ignoring the boy. 

Not that they weren’t funny - they were hilarious, of course, with Phil gesturing wildly and saying, “the squirrel jumped me! It wasn’t my fault!” before getting shushed by their teachers. Dan stifles his laughter, covering his face with his book to hide his smile.

He always tries not to smile whenever the other male recounted his stories - the strangest things happened to Phil Lester. It was his bad luck, Phil would whine, before continuing his stories.

  
  


One day, as Dan drops his bag to the floor and sit down, Phil greets him with, “A man woofed in my ear yesterday! I was just sitting there, waiting for my mum to get out of the loo, when he comes up, barks at me, then runs off!” 

Dan is in a pretty good mood - his mom had praised his grades the day before, his piano teacher hadn’t scolded him for once, so when the shorter boy says a man barked in his ear, Dan snorts, grinning. “That’s so fucking stupid.”

Phil gapes at him, and the smile drops off his face as he turns his head. “What are you looking at?”

“You smiled.” 

Dan feels his cheeks colour. “I did  _ not _ .”

“You did too! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I made Daniel Howell smile. My power. My impact.”

“Shut the fuck up, I didn’t smile.”

He’s going to die, right here. Might as well bury him and call it a day. 

Phil giggles (Jesus Christ), pushing Dan gently. “I’m joking. You should smile more, though.”

Dan gets redder, if that was possible. “Really?”

“Definitely! You’ve got such a nice smile. No homo, though.”

He snorts. “Right. Of course not.”

  
  


"You should smile more, though." Phil says with a grin. "You look cute."

Oh. Oh,  _ fuck. _

Dan's heartbeat is growing erratic as he chokes out a "Oh- um, am I?"

"Yeah! I like your smile. Your eyes crinkle at the side. It's cute."

Two "cute"s in five second. Phil Lester is going to be the death of him. 

Soon, Phil’s launches into a story about how he asked out the wrong person before. He’s chatting away (“-and, suddenly, ‘Angela’ turns and it’s a dude with long hair! He was at least  _ thirty _ , can you imagine that?!”) 

“Oh, and once, I thought I had met my soulmate-” 

Dan flinches at that word. 

“You okay?”

He tugs his blazer’s sleeve lower down, nodding. “Yeah. continue the story.”

“Um, okay.” Phil’s eyes follow Dan’s hands. “Hey, I realise I haven’t seen your soulmark before. Can you show me?”

What the  _ fuck _ ? Of all the people to ask-

“Oh, um, I don’t have one.”

Phil raises his eyebrows at Dan. “Really? Why?”

“Dunno. Didn’t appear on my birthday.”

“Oh, okay.” Phil pauses for a bit, then suddenly he’s chatting away again, as if nothing happened.

Dan blinks. Phil continues to talk, arms waving around wildly as he continues the story.

  
He can’t help but smile - Phil isn’t looking at him with pity or giving him awkward pats on the arm. He’s just  _ Phil _ , and honestly, that’s enough for Dan. More than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DEAR GOD THIS IS AWFUL LSMDJSDFNG  
> jessu that was shitty ohdfghsdgs im rly sorry im not good at writing :,D  
> im gonna go back to the usual schedule now! :>  
> 


	3. So I'm Gonna Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is dreaming and in his dream is Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update again lmfao im bad at keeping to a schedule  
> the chapter title is from like im gonna lose you by meghan trainor and john legend!  
> this one is slightly more angsty but you came here for it u asked for it :D  
> oyea happy new year :]  
> i hope yall enjoy this one lmao!  
> happy reading

Dan is dreaming. 

He knows he is - he feels light as a feather and his brain was putting familiar yet completely foreign objects he had never seen before on his shelves out of place on purpose. 

He sits up, rubbing his eyes. There’s… someone. Someone? Someone humming a song- no, someone belting out the lyrics to a hamilton song. 

He frowns, standing up. His socked feet hit the carpeted floor and he looks down. There are clothes and books scattered across the floor and he wrinkles his nose, making his way out of the room. What the fuck was happening? 

  
  


“Dan! Hurry up and get breakfast!” 

Who-?

Dan turns a corner and is led into a kitchen where there’s someone. A person. A person, in his kitchen (was it his if he was dreaming?), singing the lyrics to Satisfied and hustling around the kitchen. 

“Morning, love.”

_ Love _ ? 

Phil fucking Lester. 

He stands in front of Dan and- he’s taller now, but Dan’s got a few centimetres on him and his hair is pushed into a quiff but his eyes are the same colours and he has the same smile but his hair is brown now - brown? And he looks so beautiful and different and yet oh so familiar and  _ what the fuck is happening _ ? 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Phil asks sweetly. He glances at him with his eyes ( _ blue green gold _ ) and Dan forces a smile. 

“I- I guess I’m just tired… love.” 

Phil smiles (same smile, nothing’s changed, but the way he looks at Dan is a little different, and Dan can’t stop thinking) and presses a kiss to Dan’s forehead. 

“What are you doing?”

“Checking if you still have a fever, dummy.”

“Right- right. Of course.”

“C’mon, let’s lie down. You need rest.”

So Dan lets Phil pull him to their bedroom(Their shared bedroom. Holy fucking shit-), helps Dan lie down and presses a kiss to his cheek. 

“Okay, now scootch over.”

Dan blinks, face burning. “What are you doing?”

“What else? We’re gonna cuddle. Duh.”

“I-”

Phil’s already rolling Dan over onto his side, draping his arm across Dan and pressing his face against Dan’s neck with a contented sigh. 

Phil peppers kiss on Dan’s neck and his breath tickles Dan and he’s melting in the warmth of Phil Lester because it felt safe and warm and  _ home _ . 

“Hey, let’s watch Star Wars tomorrow.”

“Whatever you want,” Dan finds himself answering, even though he absolutely  _ detests _ the Star Wars series and didn’t see what was so fun about watching spaceships and robots, but, y'know. Anything for Phil.

They lie there in comfortable silents until Dan finds that he cant bear it anymore and he turns and asks, “Why are you with me?”

Phil laughs. “What sort of question is that?”

“I- I mean, this is a dream. Why would my brain make me- make a dream where you're here? You don't love me, you have your own soulmark, and-"

Phil silences him with a kiss. 

It tastes like pancakes and coffee and  _ warmth _ , like home and the sky and the stars. Phil is everything and Dan finds himself melting into the kiss, Phil's fingers running along his jaw and cupping his face with their long legs tangled together in bed.

They pull away and Dan is panting.

"Are you going to leave me?" he asks.

Then he kisses him again. But this time it's not warm, it's  _ hot hot hot _ and burning Dan from the inside and he's killing him.

It  _ hurts _ . It burns and is killing him slowly and it's Phil because he was there and perfect  _ and he's dying _ . 

  
  


Dan wakes up with his arm outstretched and tears pouring down his face. He is 17 again and he doesn't have a soulmark and his bed is cold and empty.

  
  


He wipes away his tears. Why is he crying? He can barely remember his dream but for some reason thinking about it fills him with warmth.

  
  


He lies back down and goes back to sleep. It isn't important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank yall for reading :D  
> listen to the song [here](https://youtu.be/2-MBfn8XjIU)  
> follow my twt [here](https://twitter.com/sleepyphiw)  
> see u next friday :3

**Author's Note:**

> im not sure how many chapters there will be, im still working on the outline,,  
> yes i quoted hello internet yell at me  
> please leave kudos and comments!!  
> follow my twt [here](https://twitter.com/sleepyphiw)  
> listen to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qGFAkyfjDU)  
> thank you for reading and see you next wednesday!!


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